Why is it that I have to hit rock bottom in order to stop pushing God away? Am I the only person who does this? It seems that a normal person would praise God when things are going well and lean on Him when she has trials. I have to be hit over the head with a 2×4 and knocked completely off my feet in order to trust Him. Why is that? I’m like my daughter when she was a toddler. Sometimes when she threw a tantrum I would try to pick her up. She would stiffen and become as ridged as the 2×4 I mentioned earlier. That stiffness made it very difficult to hold her until she finally became exhausted and collapsed into my arms. I am so afraid of going back to that ridged hardness toward God. It comes from having this analytical brain that He created in me. I can easily rationalize Him away when I still have strength to do things on my own, when I think I don’t absolutely need Him. But when I have nothing left in me, no energy left to struggle, He is still always there to hold me, just like a good parent consoling a hurting child. I guess I should take heart, my daughter has grown into a strong young woman of faith. Maybe one day I will too!